


Sometimes You Scrape and Sink So Low

by TheViolentBlue



Series: Giving my issues to the Hargreeves because I dont know how else to cope [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben is a Good Brother, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Gen, Good Sibling Ben Hargreeves, I need sleep, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Klaus Hargreeves Has Issues, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Whump, Prostitution, Purging, Sick Klaus Hargreeves, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, supportive Ben Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:47:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29060022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheViolentBlue/pseuds/TheViolentBlue
Summary: I’m shocked at what you’re capable of...OrKlaus falls back into negative coping skills he found before drugs. Ben wakes up to the sounds of gagging from down the hall.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Giving my issues to the Hargreeves because I dont know how else to cope [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133384
Comments: 1
Kudos: 65





	Sometimes You Scrape and Sink So Low

**Author's Note:**

> TW FOR EATING DISORDERS, PURGING, AND ALL AROUND DEPRESSING STUFF.  
> Stay safe please. 
> 
> Hi. bulimia is hell. btw im fat. Like actually fat. Wow. Amazing. An actual fat person with an ED. interesting. Lol. Yeah. That’s because bulimia is a BINGE PURGE disorder. I also have BPD. So i binge to fill the emptiness and purge to feel less disgusting about it. yeah. 
> 
> Anywho take this depressing piece of shit.
> 
> At least hes not alone this time. Making it unrealistic for hurt/comfort purposes.

In Klaus’ defense, he really was just trying to go on a diet.

Okay, yes, it was considerably obvious he didn’t exactly need to be dieting. He’s underweight. Cocaine skinny, the kids call it these days. What he should have been doing was trying to put a bit of weight on. But hey, this is healthy too, right? And trying to be a bit healthier never hurt anyone.

Sure, maybe he should have known that it wasn’t going well when the painfully familiar feelings of guilt started up again. Or maybe he should have known when the little screaming voice in the back of his head returned and made it so, so, so hard to keep food down without panicking or breaking into tears.

And in truth, maybe he did.

But it was never his intention to have a relapse like this. He really thought he was doing the right thing. I mean, come on, so many people on the internet swear by water fasting.

_I_ t’s _healthy. Klaus is being healthy._

But healthy people don’t kneel in front of a toilet at one in the morning and stick their fingers down their throat, emptying the dangerously few contents of their stomach. Healthy people don’t feel like they’re rotting from the inside out. Healthy people don’t feel like they’re dying. Klaus knows that.

Does Klaus know that?

“You’re killing yourself, Klaus,” Ben whispers to himself from the doorway, eyes blown wide as he gapes at the scene that his brother has laid out before him. “You’re killing yourself.”

He’s being healthy. This is good for him.

“Ben? W-What are you doing here?” Klaus asks, lifting his head from the toilet seat and wiping quickly at his mouth. His voice is hoarse and he looks god awfully tired. Ben should have known something like this was coming. Klaus had been clean from drugs for almost three months now. Given his brother’s patterns, it was only a matter of time before a new maladaptive coping mechanism was bound to replace them. “I was just about to head to bed.”

“Why are you-...” Ben trails off. Klaus really doesn’t like the softness of his voice. It’s annoying.

“What? No, it’s probably just food poisoning. No biggie, really.” Klaus says flashing a small smile. But he can’t mask the misery. He has a feeling there’d be no point anyway. It isn’t hard to see what direction this conversation is heading in.

“Don’t do that. I saw you,” Ben says. It’s a gut wrenching statement. Once again, Klaus feels disgusting. “It’s been years since you’ve resorted to this.”

“No, I-...” Klaus stutters out.

“Years, Klaus.” Ben repeats. Even as he gathers his thoughts and forces his voice to stay stern and steady, his eyes are still wide in what’s realistically shock and concern, but Klaus can only interpret as disgust and disappointment.

Klaus doesn’t know what to say. He’s shaking all over and doing his absolute best to ignore the familiar ache in the back of his throat as he swallows. Ben’s eyes are soft but his gaze is relentless. It makes Klaus want to disappear forever. He feels so gross and ashamed. Which is a feeling the purging was supposed to alleviate. But of course, Ben had to interrupt his blissful moment. Big brother style.

Klaus looks up to meet his gaze. "Please don’t be mad." He says softly.

Ben frowns, stepping further into the bathroom. "I’m not," He says. “I’m just concerned and a little caught off guard. But I’m not mad."

Klaus moves from crouching to sitting, pushing himself back so he’s sitting up against the wall of the bathtub behind himself. Ben sighs and walks over to him. He gives the sick in the toilet a quick glance before pushing the flusher down and forcing it to swirl away. Now the only evidence of what Klaus had done that’s left is his red and blotchy, tear-streaked face. Ben drops to sit beside him on the floor.

"I’m sorry." Klaus mutters, hugging his knees to his chest.

"I know. It’s okay," Ben replies. He lets his head fall back to rest on the rim of the bathtub. "Why didn’t you come get me? I told you before that you’re not alone in this. I know recovery is hard."

Klaus sniffs and rests his chin on top of his knees. "I didn’t want to wake you up," He says. "And I don’t think talking about it would have done much. I needed to... y’know... get the dirt out and feel clean. I couldn’t stand feeling the guilt anymore. It made me feel so out of control and overwhelmed. I needed to get it out."

Ben lets out a heavy breath through his nose and closes his eyes. So we really are there again.

Klaus first started binge/purging and fasting when he was 13, around the same time Reginald started his ‘special training’. He started to self isolate and the family would rarely see him outside of training and missions. Nobody seemed to mind. In fact, some of his siblings, Luther in particular, seemed to prefer his absence. It was quieter. There was less disobedience and distraction. Just as Luther wanted there to be.

But eventually, Ben caught him in the middle of a binge late at night and had tried to stop him from purging afterwards. He ended up unintentionally puking anyway, his stomach too weak to keep down that much food after months of forcing anything that went down to come up directly after.

Klaus was so embarrassed, he didn’t eat anything for five days after that night. Then he fainted and took a tumble down the stairs, managing to break his jaw in the process. That was the incident that introduced him to pain killers. The purging slowed to a stop after that. Then the Hargreeves started to lose their sibling in a different way.

It started up again when Klaus was 18 and first got kicked from the mansion. He was broke and had sold the very few belongings he’d stolen from his father. He used the cash for drugs and food that he was too stoned to remember eating. But soon that supply ran out and he was too scared of his father to try and break in and get any more. So he did what anyone looking for quick cash would do.

He started selling himself.

And for a while, he was doing fairly okay with that. He’d get relief in the form of an orgasm, a bed to sleep in for the night, and cash that could get him by for a few days. But as time passed, people who frequented that corner began to recognize him. Soon enough those same people stopped giving a shit about how he felt afterwards because he’d made it obvious that he had no other choice but to be in the business for the long run, regardless of what happened.

Then came that one very specific Friday night where boundaries were broken to the point of no return. Klaus spent the following week barely moving from the corner of an alleyway, eating only so he had something to throw up and forcing needle after needle into the crook of his elbow. Klaus sunk to a place that Ben, no matter how hard he tried, couldn’t pull him out of. He’d felt so gross and disgusting and ashamed. He blamed himself for not saying no loud enough. He hated himself for getting involved in that scene in the first place.

Ben remembers the week after that being spent in the hospital as Klaus recovered from his first ever heroin overdose.

Ben lets out a sigh, opening his eyes to look at Klaus who’s staring blankly at the air in front of him. "How long have you been doing this?"

Klaus hesitates, cringing as he clears his throat. “Past couple weeks.”

Ben nods, observing his brother’s expression. "Okay," he says, soft but still stern. "Okay. So, here’s what we’re gonna do-

"Ben," Klaus stops him, "Don’t. I’m sorry I let it get this far, okay? I’ll fix this on my own. It’s a few time thing. I’ll be fine."

"But you won’t be. I know that. You know that," Ben says. "I’ve watched your patterns for a long time. I know how this goes. I can’t let you have a repeat of last time. That can’t happen again. Especially not now that I’m alive and can physically stop you from destroying yourself."

Klaus wants to argue. He wants to scream at his brother. But he’s so tired and his throat burns. He’d just be making the situation worse anyway. So weakly he says, "Okay."

"Okay," Ben says back. "Do you think you can hold down water?"

Klaus feels sick thinking about it, but nods anyway. He knows Ben would never be able to fully understand how hard it is. It’s easier for everyone if he just goes along with his attempts to help than it is to argue and cause more stress for himself and his brother.

”Good because you’re probably dehydrated," Ben says.

"I know." Klaus says weakly. Ben’s gives him a look of sympathy, patting his shoulder a few times before moving to stand up. He offers his brother a hand.

"C’mon, lets get you to bed and I’ll grab some water and crackers," Ben says. "We can both get some sleep and talk about this some more in the morning." 

Klaus really wants to scream at his brother. His limited understanding makes things so hard sometimes. But instead, he takes his hand and lets Ben pull him from the floor of his bathroom and lead him through the doorway. 

The only person who can save Klaus from this is himself. Ben can try. He can even go as far as forcing him to eat like he’d tried to do last time (and found out very quickly that that leads only to panic and more guilt). But it won’t solve the problem. Only Klaus himself can do that. And this time he has no idea how. 

The times before this he was able to remedy the problem by introducing a new one. But there would be no drugs this time. He’d make sure of that. Everyone in the house would make sure of that. It was the only way to keep their trust. It was the only way to ensure he’d see Dave again. 

So, Klaus is lost and letting someone who knows very little about his condition attempt to lead him towards recovery. But what else is there to do? 

He’d just have to wait this one out.

**Author's Note:**

> goodnight. Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave feedback. Unless you’re gonna say something about it being inaccurate. This is based on my experience and you don’t know more about that than I do so keep your invalidating shit to yourself. 
> 
> (Title from Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance)


End file.
